god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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