i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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