Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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