Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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