make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
