plz talk dirty to me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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