he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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