I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
