Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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