College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
