he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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