O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
