Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
