My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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