I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
