I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
