i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
