Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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