I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
