I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
