you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
