Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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