i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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