So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
