she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
