It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
