Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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