this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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