I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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