so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
