:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
