Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
