Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
