my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
