Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
