90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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