omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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