i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
