Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
