Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
