I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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