I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
