Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
