well you can't waste a boner
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
