you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
