Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
