I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
