True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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