I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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