I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
