I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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