Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
