You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
